The Struggles of Being Myself, But Fulfilling Societal Standards Too

A few of my friends on Facebook have posted a thought catalogue article called “10 Struggles of Being Not Fat, But Not Skinny Either.” And after reading it I couldn’t keep myself from saying something. It concerns me that the “struggles” listed in this article are something that resonate with the people I am friends with on Facebook.

The struggles the author Samantha Matt depicts include worrying about eating something other than a salad at a restaurant with new friends because you’re afraid someone will think you are fat, or thinking you look fat in the outfit you choose to wear out, or worrying about whether or not your coworkers will think you’re fat if you eat the free food at work, and even worrying that you are the “fat friend” guys talk to at the bar. I know many beautiful people, man and woman, young and old, who have struggled with body image or eating disorders and to read that healthy, gorgeous friends whose posts I see every day on my newsfeed struggle with the issues brought up in this article upsets me greatly.

I know many people who often stress about their diet or about getting enough exercise so that they can look a particular way at the beach. When I go onto the Internet to read about my favorite actresses during awards season I am bombarded with images of them leaving the gym, and articles about their workout regime. I have listened to mindless conversations about “thigh gaps” and “bikini season.” And I have had enough of this focus and obsession on appearances and body shape.

I want to log onto Facebook and see someone posting a link to an article about the trouble in Ukraine. When I Google “Amy Adams” I want to be able to read about her process as an artist. I want to be able talk to my friends about their day, or about world hunger, or literally about anything other than what they look like. I am so fed up with these dialogues that perpetuate the idea that women/men need to be a certain shape or size.
Articles such as the one written by Matt continue on with the idea that people need to be “thin” and look a certain way. This article is saying that being something other than a particular jean size, or eating something other than a salad at a restaurant is something to be ashamed of. And I have had enough of it.

Matt’s article highlights an unhealthy pattern of thought that women as well as men today are experiencing. My initial response to many of the struggles Matt is depicting is: who cares what other people think of your dining choices, or your jean size, or the way you look at the beach? Your body is YOUR body. Your existence is not for the purpose of pleasing others, or wearing a size two pant. Do what makes you happy, and (at least for me) quite often that’s choosing pasta over a salad when I’m eating at a restaurant. Yes, eat healthy, and please do stay conscious of your food choices. But don’t allow the media’s obsession with thinness keep you from going to the beach and taking off your cover up without fear of bending the wrong way, or as Matt so delicately puts it having “people see your fat shake around too much.” Your life shouldn’t be overshadowed by fear of judgment for eating free food at work. If there is free food, for god’s sake EAT IT!!! Do you know how expensive groceries are??

But to only acknowledge this response is to ignore something very important. And that is the fact that people, my friends and yours, actually do struggle with body image, and feel as though they can’t eat pasta instead of salad, or honestly tell a retail worker their pant size. I would be lying if I told you that I hadn’t at some point in my life thought some of the things listed in this article. And simply telling someone not to care what others think doesn’t change this pattern of thinking.

In order for change to occur we as people, men and women alike, need to stop perpetuating these ideals of beauty. We need to discontinue this dialogue. Our focus is placed where our discussions are based. And if you spend your days talking about how you “just want to lose three pounds” you are not only affecting your own unhealthy body image, but those around you as well.

Be happy, be healthy, and focus on the things that are important in life. Don’t spend your time criticizing your appearance, or comparing yourself to others. Don’t waste energy reading articles that make you feel poorly. Surround yourself with positivity, because if you surround yourself with happiness, pretty soon you’ll be happy too. And if you are struggling with an eating disorder, please ask for help.

You are beautiful. You are worth it. And you are important.